About Vera . . . my Mom
In the summer of 1967, having just turned 10, I traveled to Vienna, Virginia to spend the weekend with my future step mother. My birth mother had died from cancer 10 days before my 9th birthday and my Dad, a father of the 50’s (the Leave it to Beaver generation), was not prepared to raise three kids on his own. As fate would have it he found Vera, the only problem was that she had never been a parent and knew even less about raising kids than my Dad.
So Saturday sleepovers with me, the youngest of three, was her toe in the water, trying to get the hang of being a parent before she took the role full time. I won’t say that she was a natural - in fact it all ran kind of counter to her life commandments. She was precise and particular and commanded her own space - kids can get in the way. But we found a path, with effort - and with a commitment to being a family.
Vera learned growing up.. the importance of commitment to family, Her parents were both hard working laborers from Long Island. Her mother worked in school cafeterias and her father spent half the year fishing in New York and the other half as a carpenter in Florida. For much of her early years Vera would start school in NY and then finish the school year in Florida. She spoke of that so casually like it was the most normal thing in the world - families make sacrifices for each other - without ever questioning it.
Vera was the oldest child with two younger brothers. Until she was 16 her family lived in small rental homes and in one case it was literally a one room “Shack” with a tiny kitchen sink and a late addition corner shower. There were no bedrooms so the three kids slept outside on the screened in front porch. Her father was building their first real home in North Miami and had promised that they would be celebrating her 16th birthday in the new home. He missed it by only a few days, but her Dad was heartbroken. Listening to Vera retell the story it was apparent that she was most concerned about his disappointment -
families care for each other.
As many of you already know Vera loved pets and into our blended family came a brindle boxer named Ginger and a Siamese cat named Ching. She used to get all of Ching’s attention before the wedding - but after the wedding Ching would always head to my bed and wait on my pillow to sleep with me. Vera never seemed to mind - new Moms of any age learn new priorities.
Things didn't always go smoothly - becoming the new women of a house with two teenage daughters can be a trying experience but the years softened most of the rough edges - families just learn to work it out.
For Vera, family was also the neighbors and the church coworkers she interacted with each day. Each one meant so much to her and she loved the feeling of being connected to her extended family - because family is more than blood.
Through the years Vera showed compassion and love in the way she knew best. Like sewing the 50th Wedding Anniversary dress for my birth mom’s mother. Or like letting Mary and I bring home our cocker spaniel Nikki for long weekends even though Nikki would inevitability pee on the spotlessly maintained white carpet. Or like donating to various charities and causes where she knew it would make a difference.
Vera was an adventurer - living abroad in Thailand and India as a young adult working for the State Department.
Vera was career oriented - as an office manager at Prudential Insurance - as a business owner for several years running Vera’s Fashion Fabrics (a lifelong dream) - and continuing to work at LifePointe Church Eustis after moving to Mt Dora.
Vera was a shopper [which you probably already know all too well] - but as a child of the depression, it really was all about getting the best deal to stretch that dollar as far as possible. Some of you may have been the recipient of a coupon or savings tip.
Vera was a fighter - with an unquenchable spirit - staring down cancer four different times over four decades. Cancer may have taken her life but it did not define her. No matter what she learned about the next stage of her illness her response was to always be positive and look towards tomorrow.
For my Mom tomorrow has finally come .. but she will always live on .. in our hearts and memories.
---Lyle F Knapp Jr "Jack"